Thursday, September 18, 2008

Sure, things could be better, but they could also be a whole lot worse.

I forgot to explain in the last entry that Liz's muscle pains are much better thanks to a neighbor who is also a massage therapist - gave Liz a 90 minute massage last night, and it was worth every penny, whether the flex spending plan covers it or not.

Last night we were tired. Liz came home yesterday and we all just vegged. It came time for pack meeting, and Tyler wanted to go, having worked really hard this last month as time is running out as a Bear Cub Scout. He received 8 Arrow Points! Only we were all too tired to go with him. I did what I could to make it up to him today though by sewing them all on his shirt, instead of taking the usual 3-6 months to sew on his patches.

This morning I went on the field trip to the fire station with the preschool group. Despite assurances to the contrary, Lucas found the fireman in his helmet, clothes, and Darth Vader mask to be VERY scary. While I was there, Liz went up to the hospital to see Nick. He's doing better again. His digestive tract had turned back on so he was on the feeding regimen again, and with Liz pumping, that means he's getting helpful antibodies. And his chest X-ray this morning showed improvement over yesterday. Hooray!

This afternoon Liz got a nap and I made peach pie with the boys. We had a nice relaxing dinner together, and had a normal relaxing evening - baths for the boys, watched part of a movie, and just had much needed down time. Poor Tyler is really feeling the stress of things. His shoulders are drooped and his mood is subdued at best, as he tries to handle the stress that he feels much more keenly than his younger brothers.

I just got back from visiting Nicholas tonight. They withdrew the built up fluids in his lungs, and got less than last time. They also upped his feeding tube amounts. With a little luck we can do away with the IV feeding regimen soon. He's still on the oscillating ventilator, but has been more steady on it. He was also awake for me - I haven't seen his eyes since he was born. And I got to change his diaper. It may seem like grasping straws, but at this point, we cling to any positive change. Otherwise we'd go nuts.

His umbilical cord has come off. That was hard for me. With all the others, I got to swab the cord with alcohol each time I changed a diaper, till it finally came off for me. I missed that. Like Eva said, we didn't get the birth experience we had expected, and for that we have to go through the grieving process. We have to allow ourselves to mourn what we didn't get. BUT we also have to keep it in perspective. As Liz left the hospital yesterday with an empty car seat, people would look and see the empty car seat, and their faces would fall, and they would discretely look away and not look back. Fortunately, what they think they saw is not the case. No, we didn't get the birth experience we had wanted, even expected, but we do have a baby, and he is getting better, and he will go home soon, and all this up and down hurry up and wait, cling-to-anything-positive stuff we're going through will be a memory when we're holding our baby. All will be well.

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